For 2010, we’re gonna resolve to do things we KNOW we can easily do. No more diets, improving ourselves, or making the world a better place! No sir! This year, we resolve to:

1.  Not commit any major felonies (ie: robbing banks, arson or kidnapping)

2.  Not create a Ponzi scheme to bilk unwitting investors out of billions of dollars, and

3.  No trafficking narcotics or human body parts.

There. That was easy.

Aurthur Clarke  (2001: A space Odyssey), said that “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”

And this time of year, what’s more magic than the ability of one fat guy to circumnavigate the globe delivering presents. Well, turns out there’s a gentleman who can give us insights into just how that happens. He explains it’s because Santa has advanced technology not available to man, hence making it seem like magic.

To listen Gregory Mone explain it, with quantum physics, worm holes and those special glasses Santa wears (that makes Xray specs seem old-fashioned) it all makes sense. Mr. Mone figured the domestic tally for an operation on Santa’s scale would cost in the range of $30 billion per year, which is why he says “There is good reason why Santa employs cost-free and happy elves…”

You can hear a brief interview here on NPR with Gregory Mone. It’s quite fascinating.

The other day we were talking about silly ads, and we gave ourselves the challenge of what we would do if were asked to market adult diapers. How would one overcome the trauma of having to wear them? (Not that we’re there yet ourselves, mind you.. of course not… no way!!!) But we wondered: was it possible to make the indignation of needing adult diapers go away? And was there a way to make them even appear, if not “cool,” then at least not make one feel like the old fart you are?

So this was our shot at that challenge. Let us know what you think. (Of course, because it’s the holidays we thought of Santa, but we could easily come up with another option to replace him.)

Saw a video this weekend about the “dangers” of groin-to-groin front hugs among teens. We’ll go out on a limb here, and guess most mature people think there are better topics to rally against than the front hug. Of course, this group offers an alternative called the “Christian Side Hug.” (Believe me, I am NOT  making this up!)

As marketers, we’re not the target audience of many of the products and services we help clients with, but we can put ourselves in the shoes of those audiences. And I just can’t believe this particular effort hits the target audience in any way that’s just short of hilarious. (Which means it will probably go viral, but for reasons OTHER than intended.)

There are kick@ss outreach campaigns out there. Two of our favorites are the “Scratch & Sniff dirty diaper“  done for the Milwaukee United Way, and the “Safe Sexting” campaign warning about texting photos to your boy/girlfriend you’re bound to regret. (Click on images to read more.)

A little while ago, a friend’s high school-aged son was “shadowing” a technology company as a school requirement. At the company he went to on the assigned day, he was told to follow to one of the company’s newer employees, someone barely out of college themselves. When this employee had to head out for something or other, their son tagged along and rode in their car.

Turns out what the most memorable thing that day was the “way-cool industrial crank window opener” in the employees car. He’d never seen one before (every window was a power window in his lifetime). He was mesmerized and, until educated by the person he was shadowing, thought that crank window must be some hip, new option in cars. Really made an impact. I wonder how many Gen Y kids have ever seen on of those crank windows themselves…

We were watching CNN the morning the health bill passed and saw the lone Republican who voted for the bill, Representative Anh Cao (R. La.), and there were some interesting bullet points about his background. We wondered why background info wasn’t more common when any politician – Democrat or Republican – was speaking. It would help put things in context when they’re blabbering on about one thing or another. So when John Ensign (I know it seems like we’re picking on Republicans) argues against something like the health bill, we can at least see where his interests lie by who has been supporting him.

In the interest of being “fair and balanced”, we should mention that five Democratic members of the Senate Finance Committee who didn’t vote for the bill (including Senate Finance Chairman Max Baucus ~ D-Mont.) also had received a total of about $19 million from their contacts in the health care industry over the course of their tenure.

We’re just sayin’…

Email is based on the exact opposite premise of direct mail: with direct mail you can assume the recipient wants it unless they opt out. With email, you have to assume the recipient doesn’t want it, until they opt-in!

Ignoring that simple rule will get you blacklisted in the reputable world of email faster than you can say “Can they really do that to us?!”  (The answer, of course, is “yes”!) While there are other considerations, your marketing message and your email list can make or break your email campaign.

We’re finding email is experiencing the same issues “desktop publishing” and “website design” does. Just because an IT person or sales person can create marketing pieces, doesn’t mean they should. Like any marketing effort, how your message is crafted and executed is critical. With email, if you do a crappy job the first time out, your audience may never bother to open another one.

Until people understand email marketing is, first and foremost: marketing, many will do it themselves, get poor responses and blame the medium and not the message.

1. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

2. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

3. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

4. When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.

5. Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

6. Take naps.

7. Thrive on attention.

8. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

9. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

10. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

11. No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout…
run right back and make friends.

12. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

13. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

14. Be loyal.

15. Never pretend to be something you’re not.

16. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

17. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

18. And finally, never trust anyone until you sniff their butt.

I used to be on the fence about casinos in Columbus. I figured, WTF, it’s a free country (for the most part) so what if folks want to gamble. Even though I don’t, who am I to say others shouldn’t? ProgessOhio say the economists’ interpretation is that gambling “cannibalizes” the local economy sorta made sense to me. They say the money taken out of circulation in casinos leaves less for food, clothing, computers, etc. But that’s actually true of ANY entertainment expenditure. If folks spend $100 on a Miley Cyrus concert, and don’t have enough left for clothing, should we not allow concerts? Or alcohol? Or vacations? Or gambling at home? WTF?!? However, now that I see the casinos are trying to avoid paying tax on “cash wagering,” (which from my observations of gambling in Las Vegas, is MOST of the gambling) I see that once again, they’re trying to jerk the state around and avoid paying their fair share of taxes! No business should be exempted from declaring cash “sales” from taxes!

The FTC has just said that bloggers must disclose if they’re getting paid and/or getting freebies from any company they’re blogging about! Now there’s “truth in advertising”! If they don’t share that information (and get caught), there’s an $11,000 fine levied (per violation). That is a kick@ss rule. Now I’m thinkin’ it’s only a matter of time before the same restrictions are applied to those tweeting. So much for Izea’s business model.

Deceptive business practices were always regulated by the FTC, and they’re just keeping up with the times. So this is one example that the government is doing something good.